"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence."
- Eric Fromm
German born American social philisopher and psychoanalyst 1900-1980
Too many minds, too much divergence. I suppose only love accomodates all the misgivings and frictions the divergence of minds bring. What do you think?
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
二月
回头一望，又是另一个二月，来匆匆去也匆匆。这月是相聚也是离别的一月。
那晚我们又是在回家路上无所不谈，谈天说地。 到家时 将近沉默一刻。 那时就让心里说不出的关怀， 和那一点点遗憾 在我们怀抱之间 通通都给蒸发了。 朋友 好好照顾自己。 前面的路 危险却精彩。 累了 记得我们都在这里 等你回来。
我们又再次把彼此眉间的邹文给抚平， 松下手 期待下次的相聚。
离别时 那轻轻地叹息 都不让听见。 就这样 一年时间又从我们指缝间流逝。
那晚我们又是在回家路上无所不谈，谈天说地。 到家时 将近沉默一刻。 那时就让心里说不出的关怀， 和那一点点遗憾 在我们怀抱之间 通通都给蒸发了。 朋友 好好照顾自己。 前面的路 危险却精彩。 累了 记得我们都在这里 等你回来。
我们又再次把彼此眉间的邹文给抚平， 松下手 期待下次的相聚。
离别时 那轻轻地叹息 都不让听见。 就这样 一年时间又从我们指缝间流逝。
Friday, February 12, 2010
Of Marriage, moral values and dogs
A, B and C are work mates who have known one another for over a decade, and shared many experiences both good and bad. I'd like to think they have become friends to say the least over the decade.
A is married to X.
X used to get along with B and C until some strange misunderstanding occurred which rendered her senseless. She is of the impression that B and C are out to get her husband.
Now A is a) not tall b) not attractive c) no spring chicken.
B is married and her husband knows X.
C would have to have her brain fried and toasted in order to have any form of interest in A.
You get the drift.
When X decided to dislike B and C, it happened abuptly and rudely, taking them both by surprise.
It took the life out of A to explain to his friends and work mates that his wife has a severe misunderstanding, and hence her rude and senseless behaviour.
Not once did he apologise for X's bad behaviour or his failure to clarify issues with X.
No, A did not explain to his wife the situation and handled the situation by completely avoiding the issue. ie he let his wife continue to believe what she liked. His solution was to avoid the topic altogether, and hope that the 2 groups do not meet.
Now life's not always a bed of roses. X does run into B and C on occasions. Behaves badly. Not that it should affect B or C, but life already has its fair share of irritants. Do we really need another?
When B and C tried to speak with A about resolving the misunderstanding, he avoided and sided with his wife. Reason - they are married.
So marriage changes one's values, and principles. Marriage binds his values to hers, however wrong they may be, making him utterly blind sided to what is right or ought to be right.
I think what gets to my bone, is that this man is really weak. Chooses to skirt over the issue of resolving the issue, and chooses to battle with B and C ( whom I'd like to think are his friends ) to defend his wife, who is blind sided to the truth.
In fact I don't blame his wife X as she had a wrong point of view, and will remain so until she is corrected. Only A can resolve this, and he chooses to side X over his friends. Simply because he is married to X.
So really this issue here is with A, not X.
Now, if I had a wife who has a wrong opinion of my mates, I would have resolve the issue, or else it would be an issue I have with my wife, for having an issue with my mates. How can I allow my wife to be biased against my friends and knowingly support her, just because we are married? Flawed logic. Marriage is dangerous after all.
Some people just choose to be blind. Love is, after all, like they say, blind. Now I also know, love can make one stupid too.
Maybe I should just stop feeling so frustrated, you can't stop idiots from being fools.
What pains me is seeing how badly A behaves, reflecting the image of X when challenged about her behaviour. Scary. You know how they say dogs and their owners grow alike over time? Bruno tells me even dogs get disciplined when they behave badly in public.
At the end of the day, I will always remember that A never said they were friends. Just colleagues. Hahaha!!
What is painful is that B and C will still continue to stomach X's nonsense on A's account. They will still treat him as a friend, despite the injustice done to B and C's moral standing due to X's incompetence to comprehend, and A's inability to stand up for what is right.
Really, you can't stop idiots from being fools.
A is married to X.
X used to get along with B and C until some strange misunderstanding occurred which rendered her senseless. She is of the impression that B and C are out to get her husband.
Now A is a) not tall b) not attractive c) no spring chicken.
B is married and her husband knows X.
C would have to have her brain fried and toasted in order to have any form of interest in A.
You get the drift.
When X decided to dislike B and C, it happened abuptly and rudely, taking them both by surprise.
It took the life out of A to explain to his friends and work mates that his wife has a severe misunderstanding, and hence her rude and senseless behaviour.
Not once did he apologise for X's bad behaviour or his failure to clarify issues with X.
No, A did not explain to his wife the situation and handled the situation by completely avoiding the issue. ie he let his wife continue to believe what she liked. His solution was to avoid the topic altogether, and hope that the 2 groups do not meet.
Now life's not always a bed of roses. X does run into B and C on occasions. Behaves badly. Not that it should affect B or C, but life already has its fair share of irritants. Do we really need another?
When B and C tried to speak with A about resolving the misunderstanding, he avoided and sided with his wife. Reason - they are married.
So marriage changes one's values, and principles. Marriage binds his values to hers, however wrong they may be, making him utterly blind sided to what is right or ought to be right.
I think what gets to my bone, is that this man is really weak. Chooses to skirt over the issue of resolving the issue, and chooses to battle with B and C ( whom I'd like to think are his friends ) to defend his wife, who is blind sided to the truth.
In fact I don't blame his wife X as she had a wrong point of view, and will remain so until she is corrected. Only A can resolve this, and he chooses to side X over his friends. Simply because he is married to X.
So really this issue here is with A, not X.
Now, if I had a wife who has a wrong opinion of my mates, I would have resolve the issue, or else it would be an issue I have with my wife, for having an issue with my mates. How can I allow my wife to be biased against my friends and knowingly support her, just because we are married? Flawed logic. Marriage is dangerous after all.
Some people just choose to be blind. Love is, after all, like they say, blind. Now I also know, love can make one stupid too.
Maybe I should just stop feeling so frustrated, you can't stop idiots from being fools.
What pains me is seeing how badly A behaves, reflecting the image of X when challenged about her behaviour. Scary. You know how they say dogs and their owners grow alike over time? Bruno tells me even dogs get disciplined when they behave badly in public.
At the end of the day, I will always remember that A never said they were friends. Just colleagues. Hahaha!!
What is painful is that B and C will still continue to stomach X's nonsense on A's account. They will still treat him as a friend, despite the injustice done to B and C's moral standing due to X's incompetence to comprehend, and A's inability to stand up for what is right.
Really, you can't stop idiots from being fools.
Monday, February 8, 2010
One (Week) In Beijing - Part II
After a super-star send off for our dear friend from Shanghai, we decided to have a quiet dinner across the road before waiting for a new tour member to join our group. Pity he missed out the fun over the weekend.
Fried Spicy Ribs
Spicy wantons
Dan Dan Mian
Celery with squid
Potato and Eggplant mash
Braised carrot in claypot
Almost all the dishes were yummy! All we wanted was probably some noodles as we would be having supper at HuDa , but we couldn't resist ordering all the yummy looking stuff on the menu.
After dinner it was back to the apartment to wait for the the arrival of Mr R. Before midnight, he walked in.
And off to Hu Da again as welcoming ceremony.
All the dishes were numbingly spicy but yummy!! The only thing that could help was the tub of garlic fried rice above. Somehow HuDa has become an institution each time we needed supper. We must try to find another eating place the next time. Nothing wrong with the place though, service was prompt and friendly and the food decent as well.
After the late night supper all washed down with beer, it was back to snooze before embarking on my second great wall expedition.
This year we went to Mutianyu section - too built up for my liking. Of course it was not a challenge at all compared to Simatai. Personally I like the ruggedness and challenge of Simatai.
Mutianyu's challenge lay in the numerous steps along this secion of the wall.
Walking the wall in winter presents a different view
Peeping!
Took the toboggan slide down.
We took the route all the way to the right. Apparently a better view than the left.
After the trek, we had lunch. Possibly the worst lunch we had this trip. Bleah!
Sweet potato with salted egg - this was the best dish of the lot
Roasted local almonds - these were nice too
Roasted spring water fish 虹鳟鱼 - this area is famed for this fish
same fish - braised
boiled fish soup - the worst fishy broth - couldn't stomach this no matter how cold the weather
Then we went to the Temple of Red Snail nearby. 红螺寺 It turned out to be a huge park - prepare to spend 3 hrs or more to explore the entire place. It contains quite a few places of interest and a climb of 800 steps to the top of the temple. The toboggan ride also is longer and faster than the one at Mutianyu. We reached the place at 330pm, quite a pity as we rushed through most of the attractions before sundown at 5pm. Didn't do the climb or the toboggan.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Stress
Spoke with my friend residing in faraway land. Was telling her about my trip to BJ. And she said to me her last party night was in Germany in 2007. That's cos she's got 3 kids now and can't live the party life like she'd like to.
I didn't know how to respond except that there is a balance to everything in life. I've never been married, never had kids and cannot comment. But I'd like to believe that there is always a balance to everything in life. Sometimes we lose focus and our balance. At other times, we take time out and re-focus to find that balance point. And at other times, we struggle just to keep our balance and focus.
No matter what, that balance point is there for us to find; it may be elusive and keeps changing, but stay calm and just know that it is there. Be still, and you will find. Most times we struggle to keep still, but be still, focus and there will be balance to Life and all its chaos.
She mentioned she will be able to catch up with friends only when her MIL or parents fly over to take care of kids. But when her parents are there, she worried about the tension between her parents and her spouse. Sigh, there is no perfection.
I've been advising her to come back to work. Opportunities are better now here than in Europe, and I'm coming purely from a opportunistic point of view - career advancement etc. She worried that coming here now would mean having to spend some years in her husband's home country - something she'd like to avoid.
She gave herself 6 years to prepare for coming to asia for work. I advised her against taking 6 years, her eldest child would be 12 yrs old and would have problems adapting to the education system here. This means private international school = higher fees. And teenage years also bring another set of problems.
Her spouse wanted to come over asia and then look for work. She is against the idea - no security. She wants to find employment before making the move. That of course is another obstacle though not impossible to overcome.
At the end of the conversation, I wondered is it really necessary to be married with kids to be happy? Or is it me being pessimistic? Too much commitment, too much stress. Yet does less commitment = less stress? Actually my perfect recipe would be no commitment, no stress. Just pure happiness. 开心就好！ Ah hahah!!
I didn't know how to respond except that there is a balance to everything in life. I've never been married, never had kids and cannot comment. But I'd like to believe that there is always a balance to everything in life. Sometimes we lose focus and our balance. At other times, we take time out and re-focus to find that balance point. And at other times, we struggle just to keep our balance and focus.
No matter what, that balance point is there for us to find; it may be elusive and keeps changing, but stay calm and just know that it is there. Be still, and you will find. Most times we struggle to keep still, but be still, focus and there will be balance to Life and all its chaos.
She mentioned she will be able to catch up with friends only when her MIL or parents fly over to take care of kids. But when her parents are there, she worried about the tension between her parents and her spouse. Sigh, there is no perfection.
I've been advising her to come back to work. Opportunities are better now here than in Europe, and I'm coming purely from a opportunistic point of view - career advancement etc. She worried that coming here now would mean having to spend some years in her husband's home country - something she'd like to avoid.
She gave herself 6 years to prepare for coming to asia for work. I advised her against taking 6 years, her eldest child would be 12 yrs old and would have problems adapting to the education system here. This means private international school = higher fees. And teenage years also bring another set of problems.
Her spouse wanted to come over asia and then look for work. She is against the idea - no security. She wants to find employment before making the move. That of course is another obstacle though not impossible to overcome.
At the end of the conversation, I wondered is it really necessary to be married with kids to be happy? Or is it me being pessimistic? Too much commitment, too much stress. Yet does less commitment = less stress? Actually my perfect recipe would be no commitment, no stress. Just pure happiness. 开心就好！ Ah hahah!!
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