How do you like to be loved?

" If someone does not love you the way you want them to, that doesn't mean that they love you any less than they want to. "

No one can love you more than yourself. There is no one who understands your own basic needs more than oneself. There is no one who knows what you want and desire, more than yourself. Therefore you are the only person capable of loving yourself in the manner you want. Be it love expressed in the fulfilment of material wants or emotional needs.

Only when one has fulfilled the basal level of the human need to be loved, is one capable of loving another. Therefore one is not capable of loving another until one is able to love oneself.

However one has an inate ability to make a conscious CHOICE - to continue loving only oneself, or choose to love others, depending on the level of pleasure and happiness in doing so. If one derives higher levels of happiness and pleasure in loving others, one makes a conscious choice to do so, on top of the love one has for him/herself.

The basic premise is that one has to love oneself to understand the pleasure and happiness in being loved, before one can move on to love another and convey this same or higher level of happiness to the recipient.

In the same manner, one cannot provide material comfort or love to another at one's own expense. By doing so, it only wrecks pangs of guilt in the recipient of this goodwill. To accept such love deprives the giver of material gains. To reject such love deprives the giver of emotional needs.

One is therefore incapable of loving others until one is contented with the same level of love for oneself.

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When I saw the abandoned pack of kittens and their nursing mother, it was a sight to behold.
The mother was scouring for leftover scraps from the nearby food stalls and bringing them to her young.

When my dad spent the last of his foreign currency to buy me yet another pair of jeans instead of the shoes he wanted while on holiday, I was wrecked with guilt for making such demands. But this feeling did not set in until many many years later when we spoke about it.

In those days before credit cards were popular, my parents travelled with wads of cash and travellers cheques. Whatever amount one brought on holiday is sustenance for that period of travel. And I made a demand on my dad on our last day of shopping, simply because I wanted him to give in. I just wanted. Not so much I liked the jeans, but I liked the fact that my dad gave in to me. I was 9 years old.

Thinking back now, I always feel guilty whenever my dad spoke about this, and my face would flush even thought we've spoken about it countless times. It was one of life's lessons he wanted to teach me, one that took many years before he decided to deliver his punch line. One that is said so simply but honest to the bone, and one that he knows I will never forget, and that will make me a better person in life.

Till this day, I've not even worn the jeans once because upon return from holiday, I realised those were popular only in the holiday destination and not in real life. I had gotten dizzy while on holiday. And Dad knew and played along, only to teach me a lesson in life many years on. That I had frivolously deprived him of a sturdy pair of shoes that would withstand whatever fashion trends of the time.

Only Mum would say "Buy what you want before spending on others. The young have many years to waste their youth and spend their cash, but we don't have time to bring it to our graves."

Till this day, I wish he had chosen to buy his shoes instead of my jeans. Till this day I wish he had chosen his own contentment over my obstinate demands. Till this day I still remember how important it is to be able to love oneself in order to pass this love onto others, and be completely in control of one's emotions in doing so.