A tradition

Its the time of the year again where we commemorate our ancestors by paying respects at their graves. To save my mum and dad a trip down town to do all the preparation, I volunteered to buy all the necessities this year, which entailed a long list of offerings and incense, paper money and the likes. Somehow I think I get a feeling I have gotten fleeced by the auntie manning the shop. My friend who was shopping with me said "at the rate you are buying on this mission, we could spend the way out of recession". Ho ho ho!

No la, it's just that I get a guilt trip each time, as I always feel I have spent less than adequate moments with my grandmother while she was alive. Perhaps my way of remembering her would include buying her favourite candy, her favourite type of joss paper for her now that she is gone. I would want to upkeep the traditions she kept while she was alive, which included keeping to these customs and traditions with some fanfare.

I' m sure she remembers me - the youngest and most defiant little brat she ever had to put up with. And I sure will remember her - the kindest and gentlest soul anyone would wish to have who loved gardening and plucking weeds from the garden.

Now that she's gone, no amount of joss sticks, or amount of money spent on the most elaborate and expensive joss paper can make up for the lost time I could have spent with her. Gosh, I hate guilt trips...

Tiring as the trip may be, somehow I enjoy the yearly pilgrimage to my Grandfather and Grandmother's tombs. It would invariably involve some searching around cos my dad only recognises this 'big tree' to lead him to the tomb. Somehow he forgets that trees do change and some may get cut down sometime. This year, I will set my GPS to mark my grandparent's tombstones. With my uncanny sense of direction, I fear I may lose my way around that place one day and Grandma would not be pleased of course.

So armed with a car load of stuff, I'll be setting off early early tomorrow to say hi to grand ma and grand pa.

And I'm posting this 唐诗 below as it just reminds me of 清明. I don't know why but it just does, maybe cos of the huge amount of grass and weeds at the tombs, which never seem to wither from the heat and drought. Each time after I am done with the ceremony, it never fails to feel terrible to have to leave my grandparents alone again for yet another year.

<<赋得古原草送别>> 白居易

离离原上草，一岁一枯荣。
野火烧不尽，春风吹又生。
远芳侵古道，晴翠接荒城。
又送王孙去，萋萋满别情。